Softball Season in Full Swing

“Did you know that the U.S. was supposed to get crushed by the Russians in hockey at the Olympics a long time ago?! Did you know the U.S. was supposed to get crushed by the Icelandic team in the Mighty Ducks?! You know what, they all came back and won!” said JB from team DS (or at least something along those lines).

JB’s words were intended to inspire, and that they did. After a lead-off single in the next half inning, the “Hammer” stepped up to the plate, demonstrating his imposing presence, and sent the 0-1 pitch high and far into right field for a two-run home run Thursday night at USD’s Manchester Field. Unfortunately for team DS, the early-game heroics failed to secure the three runs needed to prevent them from being mercy-ruled. Despite the loss, DS gathered into their post-game huddle and looked forward to the season ahead.

That single play epitomizes what most of us law students look forward to every week during the school year: Thursday night Grad/Law Softball. If you didn’t already know, this isn’t your typical softball league. Nowhere else will you find the same mix of ultra-competitive and semi-athletic (even that might be a stretch), alpha personalities playing collectively as a team at a sport that is essentially a “Nerf” version of baseball.

Week One Recap

Week One was a bit slow for everyone because it was everyone’s first game. Nevertheless, we got a little bit of everything (well not everything, the alcohol rule is much more strictly enforced this year) on this chilly afternoon. The night was fluttered with blowouts and mercy rules . . . which sucks for this column because losing teams don’t like to report their results, and the victors are all too merciful to report their skewed successes.

However, team Bringin’ Flexy Back was the lone team brave enough to give its game one mercy rule experience. “We heard in orientation that Law Softball was a must, that it was the best part of law school. So we knew it was going to be competitive. But when we showed up for the first game, we found ourselves pitted against a 3L team that probably runs the league. It was clear to us that they had advantage over us in skill and experience, and then proceeded to murder us by 20 runs,” said 1L third baseman Kyle Ryan. The unofficial score had Ryan’s team losing 18-3 in that one. Welcome to the league, 1L. Be prepared or be prepared to be served for dinner. Fortunately for Bringin’ Flexy Back, the team has a good sense of what direction it needs to take. “First point of order is to teach our girls the rules of softball,” added the Los Angeles native.

Aside from the beatings, Footnote 213 and Awkward Popups gutted it out in a gritty game to round out the night. Footnote 213 came out on top 19-15 in a game that was ironically marked by defense. The victors were led at the plate by Amy Carroll who went 3 for 4 including a liner over the opposing third baseman’s head, which made him look like a 2L fool. Captain Kurt Whitman went 4 for 4 at the plate with seven RBIs, and debuted at shortstop as well, setting the mark for the oldest player to get 7 RBIs and as many errors in one game. Another notable stat from the outfield was Footnote 213’s David Helphrey, who displayed his “Mark Wahlberg from Shooter” accuracy by pegging three opposing base runners from left-center field.

On the female side, Lauren Libroia, who Footnote 213 acquired in an offseason trade with the East Coast for a first round pick and a player to be named later, started at catcher. In her first at bat, she made contact but was subsequently tagged hard in her stomach by the first baseman. She shook her head, laughed it off, and went back to work. Gentleman, the ladies of Grad/Law Softball may seem like otherwise dainty and delicate flowers, but when Thursday night rolls in—they’re as tough as they come.

Over the course of the season, I plan to bring you extensive, over-the-top, overdramatized, and overly satirized, yet accurate coverage of your games. These games are important, and important things go in the news. Submit and look for your team’s stats and notes in the next issue of Motions!
Until then, swing away.

Add "No Alcohol" to the list for this season of Grad/Law Softball, as the USD Intramurals office has decided to ban any alochol from games for both semesters. Violations of the policy bring severe consequences, including booting an entire team from the league.

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