I have taken it upon myself to utilize my 3L skills as an experienced legal researcher to uncover the best U.S. Smuggling Cases in the history of U.S. Smuggling Cases. And in doing so, I earned enough Westlaw points to score a free golf tee warmer! Enjoy the list.
(That is a lot of liquor, even for Vermont.)
United States v. 2,180 Cases of Champagne, 9 F.2d 710 (2d Cir. 1926).
(Classy . . . Second Circuit in the 1920s? On their way to Gatsby’s house, no doubt.)
(SING ALONG!!! Three Thousand Eight Hundred and Eighty Boxes of Opium on the wall, Three Thousand Eight Hundred and Eighty Boxes of Opium . . . take one down, pass it around, Three Thousand Eight Hundred and Seventy-Nine Boxes of Opium on the wall. OK, too much typing for that one.)
(Unfortunately this case isn’t about a stolen mermaid—it’s just another “sea vessel full of liquor” situation.)
United States v. One Ford Coupe Automobile, 272 U.S. 321 (1926); United States v. One 1970 Buick Riviera, 463 F.2d 1168 (5th Cir. 1972); United States v. One Buick Coupe, 54 F.2d 800 (S.D. Fla. 1931).
(Now in hindsight, were these attempted smugglings really worth it??? I mean, besides the sleek and luxurious Riviera—that would be AWESOME!)
United States v. Two Mitsubishi Pick-up Trucks, 396 F. Supp. 2d 117 (D.P.R. 2005).
(Lesson: If you drive a Mitsubishi around Puerto Rico, you’re going to get pulled over.)
United States v. 1,000 Raw Skins of Caiman Crocodilus Yacare, No. CV-88-3476, 1991 WL 41774 (E.D.N.Y. Mar. 14, 1991)
(Ooooooh . . . Yacare! . . . Gross!)
United States v. Miscellaneous Jewelry, 667 F. Supp. 232 (D. Md. 1987).
Various Items of Personal Property v. United States, 282 U.S. 577 (1931).
(Come on, this is totally unfair—it’s the Great Depression, and the U.S. is stealing people’s various items of personal property. Well, this country was BUILT on VARIOUS ITEMS OF PERSONAL PROPERTY! And the Guv’ment ain’t getting its grubby hands on MY VARIOUS ITEMS OF PERSONAL PROPERTY!!! And anyway, it’s the GREAT DEPRESSION, so I ONLY OWN TWO “VARIOUS” ITEMS OF PERSONAL PROPERTY: They are a Herbert Hoover 1928 campaign button and a rat ear.)
(Now that’s more specific!)
(Yucky . . . green coffee beans?!? . . . What the heck?! Were they being soaked in Yacare?!)
or . . .
(As I was going to Café Rico, I met a man with 600 sacks.)