Valentine’s Day Ideas for Single USD Law Students

1. Take a lovely twilight sailboat cruise with Marvin Chirelstein.

2. Ground up those Valentine hearts until they’re powder, inhale them, and contact your local ambulance chaser when you come down with asbestosis or mesothelioma so you can sue the pants off those fat cats at Necco.

3. Buy the latest Mystery Method book, grab a buddy, head down to PB, and “peacock” and “sarge” to your  heart’s content.

4. Buy a Taylor Swift CD, convert it to cassette somehow, and give it as a “mix tape” to your best friend of the opposite sex. Stomp said mix tape when he/she tells you that you’re in the “friend zone.”

5. Play matchmaker with two people from different 1L sections. Tell the world you are responsible for the first-ever intersectional romantic relationship because you, in fact, are.

6. Grab your biggest, thickest casebook, and ride the USD Tram around campus all day until a cute guy/gal sits next to you and amazes at how smart you think you are.

7. If you’re still pining about that special guy or girl who is in a relationship, file a motion to intervene (remember that from Civ Pro?).

8. Drink a fifth of whiskey because hey, no one loves you.

9. Go to Ladies Night at a bar downtown, and be amazed that the ratio of guys to girls is only 8 to 1, instead of the usual 10 to 1.

10. Watch Law and Order: SVU reruns, and dream about the life you could have had being married to Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot.

11. Go see a Motion to Sever show to commemorate the night your ex made a (successful) motion to sever your heart.

12. Think about how under the law of love, you need much more than minimum contacts to assert personal jurisdiction over a beautiful lady; in fact, obtaining consent for “service of your process” works best.

13. Finally work up the nerve to 12(b)(6) that pesky 1L that seems to follow you around.

14. Eat your feelings away at the SLP where they have a buffet dinner on weeknights.

15. Let the smooth voice of Chris Dibbern lull you to sleep by catching a podcast of CDR: The Chris Dibbern Report.

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