NFL Football: The MAJORITY Rankings

** Editor’s Note: This reporter elected to leave his/her name off this article**

Fall brings two things: school and football.  One is better than the other.  Thankfully. 

Football is welcomed distraction from school, and pretty much anything else too.  For those who love football this is the beginning of the best time of the year.  Everyone thinks that their team can win the Super Bowl, or that they can win their inappropriately named fantasy league, or both.  Football talk is abuzz, and projections and prognostications abound.  This, my friend, is football season. 

But we are still in law school, or worse, just starting back up.  So we here at Motions came up with a Supreme Court-justice themed NFL Power Rankings to start the season.  You may cite the following as authority in any debate.

1.  Green Bay Packers – John Roberts – The presiding champions.  Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers, much like Roberts and his conservative colleagues, have a chance to be a dominant force for years.  Their offense is explosive, and they should have a healthy Ryan Grant to begin the season.  Their division isn’t easy, as Detroit is vastly improved, the Bears were in the NFC Championship game, and Donovan McNabb gives the Vikings a puncher’s chance, but Green Bay will win the division easily, and it seems likely that the NFC’s road to the Super Bowl will end in Wisconsin.  

2.  New England Patriots – Antonin Scalia – The team you either love, or love to hate, and who are completely unapologetic about who and what they are.  Their way is the only logical way.  How could you play football any other way than the Patriot way?  Scalia is a big fan, I’m sure.  As for the Patriots, Brady has a new target in veteran wide receiver, Chad Ochocinco.  Plus, the Pats added the always-disgruntled Albert Haynesworth to the defense, thus making him the next Patriot social study.

3.  Philadelphia Eagles – Thurgood Marshall – The Eagles gave Vick a second change and it is paying off.  The staunchly anti-death penalty Brennan believed in at the very least not eliminating the possibility of a second chance.  Vick has performed beyond expectations, and sooner than anyone could have reasonably imagined.  They added the best cornerback in the league in Nnamdi Asomugh.  If Vick stays healthy, which is as likely as your least favorite class being canceled for the three weeks, they could easily win the Super Bowl.

4.  San Diego Chargers – Brennan – If running the ball is conservative, then passing the ball must be liberal.  In fact, Norv Turner might do his best Andy Reid impersonation and throw the ball two out of three times.  In other words, the Chargers are going to be pretty, pretty, pretty liberal in their passing game.  But why wouldn’t they?  With Phillip Rivers, Vincent Jackson, Antonio Gates, and Malcolm Floyd, the Bolts should throw the ball.  Fortunately for the Chargers, and unlike the current Supreme Court, the NFL is a passing league.  Look for the Chargers to rebound from last season’s epically terrible special teams debacle to make a deep run into the playoffs.

5.  Pittsburgh Steelers – Clarence Thomas – Did Ben Roethlisberger clerk for Thomas?  Twice?  The Steelers are good, again.  The coolest coach in the NFL, Mike Tomlin, has a physical defense at his disposal, and the Steelers continue to pound the football, and then beat you deep.  Baltimore will be right there with them though, but unfortunately, Roethlisberger is better than Joe Flacco, at least for now. 

Concurring: Indianapolis Colts – William Howard Taft – WHT blurred the line between the executive and judiciary almost as much as Peyton Manning blurs the line between player and coach.  It remains to be seen whether Manning’s neck injury will force him to miss any time, but Peyton has never missed an NFL start.  If he plays, the Colts will do what they usually do, have a great regular season.

Dissenting: Cincinnati Bengals – Nominee Harriet Miers – Miers’ nomination actually makes the Bengals look stable by comparison, which is pretty impressive for an organization whose futility and horrid management has caused their star quarterback to retire rather than ever play for them again, after being denied an ultimatum, or “trade request.”  Fortunately, President Bush actually chose to punt for once and she was cut, or “she withdrew her nomination.”

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