Guava Beach: I Love Guava

 By: Laura Patrick

 After weeks of hearing the taunting and competitive jabs going back and forth between my law school friends who attended weekly trivia nights down at Guava Beach, I finally decided to check out this mysterious trivia madness. Going in I didn’t feel intimidated because I had a team ready to go and a group of other friends to keep me company until my teammates got there. While I waited at an empty table for my missing teammates, I flagged down the waitress and asked for the strongest, cheapest drink she had. She brought over a long island ice tea and I felt like the night was off to a nice start. I scanned the bar, taking in the atmosphere and the other teams. Guava boasts a kind of beachy, local bar feel and says they are known for their food, which features “an eclectic mix of American Classics with a South of the Border flare.” Since I hadn’t eaten all day I decided to order some carne asada quesadillas. While they were delicious, I only ate one little sliver so that I could fit more alcohol into my body. I tend to become more knowledgeable when I’m drunk (isn’t there some kind of theory about drunk recall??), so I didn’t want to ruin the chances of my inevitable victory with too much food.

As I sat at the table sipping my Long Island, I was both starting to worry about my missing teammates and getting slightly tipsy. With only minutes to spare before the game was to begin, I started to panic. I didn’t even know the rules of the game, or how to make sure our name was in the pool of those playing. I didn’t want to get up and ask the guy with the mic, because people were circling my table with eyes of a hawk. To handle the situation I began drinking my Long Island faster and faster, and then ordered another. I may not have a team, but like the life saving long island I was drinking, I could go this alone. A one-woman island of facts. I would beat them all single-handedly. Fortunately for me, I wasn’t forced to go it alone, because an angel was sent from heaven in the form of my friend Shelby. She wasn’t part of the original team but her bright blond locks and batting eyelashes made her a beautiful beacon of hope. I forced her to sit at my table and dubbed us team “the hot blondes.” As I wrote our names on the piece of paper, I was using the old one eye squint to make the letters I wrote stay still. As we struggled through the first couple of questions, three fine gentlemen behind us asked us to be part of their team.  I looked at Shelby, who gave me an inquisitive stare, and said to the young gentlemen, “Yeah… sure, why the hell not.” Once we were in the safe arms of these random trivia strangers, there was full license to drink as much as possible. So I ordered another Long Island.

After a few more questions, I caught the gaze of a stranger on a different team. He was smiling at me, but it was hard to be sure through the fuzzy lens of booze. At second glance however, he looked mad. Maybe it was the liquor or maybe it was the tense atmosphere, but I gave him an equally mad seeming stare. He promptly stood up and screamed CHEATER in my face. Cheater??? EXCCUSE MOI?? Confused and wobbly I yelled back at him “NO!” He then pointed to a random patron sitting several seats behind us who was on his cell phone and said “They have six people on their team and he’s on his cell phone!” To which I screamed “no… we don’t know that person….that cell phone person!!! NO not him!” Luckily the bouncer settled the situation, but as I struggled to stay on top of my poorly designed stool (poorly designed for anyone who likes a stiff drink) all I could think was that that guy WAS GOING DOWN. It was about this time that our team won a bonus question and we got a free shot. And it was delicious. It tasted like what Christmas morning and happy would taste like. The next round we won another bonus question. We got another shot, which tasted like snake juice mixed with a sunny day. Shelby and I were riding high with a great team and a wonderful flow of Guava’s finest shots and Long Islands. According to one of our teammates, we were winning too. Life was good. Except for that guy at the other table. Oh how I hated that guy.

Then it came time for the face recognition part of the game. Shelby and I knew we would rise to the occasion for our team. We would make it happen, because they deserved it… those wonderful knights in shining armor. I don’t read thousands of People magazines a year for nothing. We blew it out of the water and got yet another bonus shot. This one tasted like fulfilled dreams and Scope. We were on the road to victory. I threw my stool aside, as it was obviously trying to kill me. For the final round, I leaned into Shelby, because my legs no longer worked as support. The three guys who asked us to join them looked to us for answers, but considering my chair was a murderer and the guy on the other team was still at the bar, we had bigger fish to fry.

After another Long Island, I stared down the “cheater” screaming a-hole from the other team. Shelby had also made a new friend and had apparently checked out of the whole situation. Our teammates turned in the final answers. I didn’t know what was on that peace of paper, but I knew it was magical… and apparently it was, because we WON. VICTORY!! Since our team name was “F%&$ Your Couch,” I screamed it in the face of whoever was closest. I made sure to scream it extra loud in the a-hole’s face for super emphasis.

Overall, Guava cheap is fun. They have BOOZE. If you find nice strangers they will win trivia games for you. I love Guava.

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